Chapter 1

I have decided that it is time for a chapter of "Weird Things About England." I shall endeavor to enlighten you, my audience, with some of the oddities that I have so far encountered here. We shall start with plumbing.

Here you see a typical British sink. It has two faucets, one for hot water and one for cold water. This becomes extremely irritating and dangerous when you have had the hot water running for too long. Eventually, you can no longer engage the water because it will melt your flesh off.

















Here we have a British shower. As you can see, a device accompanies the shower, and this device controls the water pressure and temperature. Unlike American showers, which utilize simple mechanical means to achieve this end, the British have decided that an electronic control system is more appropriate. I disagree. How is one ever to take a shower if the power is out? Also, one can completely neutralize the shower with the switch shown on the right, which in this case is located just OUTSIDE the bathroom. A hooligan could easily cause great bathing misfortune by walking by and flipping the switch, and the showerer would have no defense!

































Another odd utilization of electricity is for the doors on the washing machine and the dryer. Instead of a normal sort of handle, the doors must be opened using the orange key button shown in the photograph. As the sign on the machine clearly warns, the door CANNOT be opened if the device is not plugged into a source of electricity. These Brits must never worry about power outages.

















Now we come to some more normal applications of electricity. Outlets. What is so odd about British outlets? Well, first of all, they are so oddly shaped...and huge. It is quite an inefficient design, if I do say so myself. Second, each and every outlet has its own switch. Appliance not working? Have you tried turning the outlet on? In America, we mostly assume that an outlet is just on (except for some, which are controlled by a light switch near the entrance of the room). However, here, you can control each individual outlet.














Now, lights. Admittedly, their typical light switches are very similar to America's. However, instead of down being off and up being on, the British have it the opposite...at least in our house. As you can see from the picture below, this switch is down, meaning it is on. It makes so much sense. Not. Also, in the bathrooms, light switches would be apparently too simple, so they have pull cords instead. I still don't understand this.

































We now come to the issue of door knobs. As you may note from the two pictures below, the British love door knobs. Many doors have more than one knob. Which, you might ask, is the working knob? Well, the only door knob photographed here that is actually functional is the silver one in the first picture. It is tiny and very awkward to use to pull an entire door with. Irritating.
































And then there is this plant. I don't know what it thinks it is doing, but it is weird and in England, so it was included in this list.







For now, this is all I have to say. Tune in next time for another excited chapter of "Weird Things About England." I may have something to say about the weird things British people say, or something else that is sure to bewilder and astound.